"Do not try to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein.
The meaning of being a "man of value" has evolved over time.
For many centuries, men were defined by the role they played in the family setting.
In recent generations, however, societal expectations and gender roles have shifted.
These has left many men feeling confused and trapped by modern-day expectations?
Many have had to deal with pangs of guilt or anxiety over what is now expected of them.
But not worry, a new generation of men is on the rise.
One that no longer wants to feel trapped by shifting modern-day expectations, views of masculinity and gender roles.
We are self-actualized individuals who are taking control of our lives and living them on our own terms.
To help you do exactly that, here are 7 essential life skills that I believe every modern man should have.
1. Effective Communication
Effective communication is the key to success in most areas of life, especially in dating and professional relationships.
However, most men tend to be generally terrible communicators and are often hindered by this in ways they are not even aware of.
Communication skills come down to a few basic things. First, you must be able to listen to and understand your conversation partner.
This is easily done by acknowledging what they say and asking them follow-up questions.
Second, you must be able to express yourself clearly.
When you are dealing with someone you do not know well, it's best to speak slowly and deliberately rather than trying to get out as many words as possible before the other person cuts you off.
Also pay attention to your body language in conversations. Lean forward when you speak, but back up when pausing for thought.
Make eye contact, but do not stare for too long at any one time. Smile when appropriate, and make sure you are standing in a friendly manner.
Make sure your posture is consistent with your state of mind and speech. When you are nervous, you have butterflies in your stomach and tend to fidget or move around too much.
Reduce these behaviors by consciously controlling your movements and making sure they match what you are saying or thinking (for example, by leaning back when thinking or relaxing completely).
Do not forget to employ things like punctuation and proper grammar when texting someone you want to impress (even if it's a close friend).
This goes against everything we have learned in all the "sexting" articles we have read over the past few years.
But women still expect something like proper writing skills from the men they meet and interact with on a daily basis, even if it's just through texting.
2. Emotional Intelligence
Awareness. Passion. Intuition. These and many other ideas existed in a nebulous state until the term emotional intelligence (EQ) was coined by two pioneers in the field of psychology in 1990.
EQ has since been broadly defined as "the "capability to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically."
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential to building trust because you are able to make those around you feel heard and understood.
You can better navigate social and professional situations and know when to push, when to pull, and when to simply back off.
EQ has also been shown to be a key factor in strong leadership and an even more important indicator of success than IQ.
EQ can help you stay calm in stressful situations because you have developed the ability to control your emotions, even when they feel overwhelming.
This is beneficial in both your personal and professional life, whether you are dealing with a heated argument with your partner or a disagreement with an angry client or co-worker.
Emotional intelligence is not just something some of us have and others do not, it can be learned, cultivated and mastered.
3. Self Discipline
Discipline enables us to stay focused on a plan or task in order to move further towards our goal.
Whether it's a fitness program, work deadline or personal relationships, discipline empowers us to do what needs to be done to thrive in all these areas.
Discipline means prioritizing the needs of your future self over the desires of your current self.
Ask any ultra successful person, you'll be surprised to learn that many of them are inherently lazy or unmotivated. Yet, discipline allows them to surpass all that and go after their dreams even when they did not feel like it.
No matter what success looks like to you or what goals you want to accomplish, none of it can be achieved without consistency, which is fueled by discipline.
Every modern man needs to know how to dress well. The truth is that the way you present yourself plays a huge role in all aspects of life, whether we want to admit it or not.
That's not to say that dressing well does not involve always wearing a tailored suit or tuxedo.
The key to elegant dress and outstanding personal style is finding the rules that apply to your own characteristics and modifying those rules to enhance your uniqueness.
1. Your clothing must draw attention to your face. To draw attention to your face, you need to make sure that the colors and combinations of your clothes are chosen to match your complexion and not compete with it.
2. Your clothes need to accentuate your positive traits and minimize your negative traits. T Short torso, wide head, bulky legs, we all know where our we might not look out best.
But since no one has discovered a way to change the head shape of a grown adult male, the next best thing is to dress our bodies correctly.
This means that you should use your style to counter-balance any perceived imbalances. And it goes without saying, you need to wear clothes that fit you properly.
3. Your clothes must reflect your personality. Color or pattern coordination, fit, unique combinations, bold self-expression... all of these are things that can help you do just that.
And that's not all. The good news is that the Internet is awash with countless menswear blogs and YouTube channels that can help you discover and refine your personal style.
Here at Compass Longview, we have also written several blogs on this very topic.
5. Personal Accountability
6. Self Defense
Naturally, men are viewed as a protectors. This has always been the case and the current social realities do not change this.
Yet in some ways, many men are hesitant to sign up for a self-defense course for men because society assumes that as men, they are already capable of taking care of themselves and their loved ones.
But that doesn't detract from the fact that it's an essential skill for every man to be able to defend himself.
And it goes without saying that a fight should always be the last resort and in many cases it is better to de-escalate the situation.
7. Tipping Etiquette
How much do you tip in a restaurant or whiskey bar? Or do you just stand up and take your leave? Some people might object, "But I paid for the service!"
Well, here is a hard fact that might change your mind.
Your tip is probably a big part of a server's income. In many countries, restaurants pay their employees a minimal salary.
In the United States, for example, the federal minimum wage for tipped employees (in 2022) is a measly $2.13 per hour!
So how do you tip? According to TableAgent, "The appropriate amount to tip depends on your service. 15% is appropriate for average service; 20% if your server is above average. Feel free to tip more than 20% if you received excellent service. If you received poor service, it is better to talk to the manager than skip on the tip. Not tipping will not correct the problem of poor service."
It's also important to remember that in many restaurants, it's not just the server who pockets your tip.
In many places, it's common for the server to share the tip with support staff, including kitchen staff, bartenders, dishwashers and bussers.
One thing to remember is that tipping is a part of the total cost of eating out. You should not consider it optional unless the restaurant has told you in advance that tipping is included.
Service industry workers rely on tips to make a living. If you plan to eat out, you should also be ready to tip.
This is an expressions of gratitude and kindness. A simple rule every man on value should follow.
So, what does it mean to be a man of value? Well, only you can answer that questions. Every man is different, has different priorities and been brought up in a different environment. But one thing is certain becoming a man of value is a worthy and fulfilling cause to set your mind on!
We hope these seven essential lifeskills will set you on the right path. Now go out there and be all you can be!